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No pen, shoe or pillow is safe. There’s a new puppy at my house. Anything within Ruthie’s leap seems to qualify as a chew toy. Without question, shoes are her favorite. The problem is, if she succeeds with a few minutes of undiscovered gnawing, the shoes are ruined. After one successful shoe rescue, I recalled Paul’s words: “If you keep on biting and devouring each other you will be destroyed” (Gal. 5:15). If a moment or two of biting sends my shoes to the trash, what do my words do to my team? Am I prepared to be held accountable for them?

It is a verifiable fact in missions research that our biggest problem can be ourselves. William Taylor, editor of “Too Valuable to Lose” (William Carey Library Publishers, 1997), notes interpersonal conflict among the “prime causes of preventable early return” from the field. In many cases the conflict is not only interpersonal, but inter-missionary.

Could a deeper root be at the core of our attrition? A careful check of our mouths and our minds could shift the statistics.

Missionaries have more than their fair share of issues with which to grapple and potentially disagree. But how we handle those differences could improve our staying power.

Finances What standard of living should missionaries embrace? Do we strive for incarnational ministry by living at the level of those we are trying to reach? Or will we gain a greater hearing by choosing a standard of living expected of foreigners? Does the whole team need to agree on this point, or can there be differences without judgment and words that hurt?

Opinions, and even convictions, vary widely for members of a common culture. How much more is this multiplied when the team is international and the economies of sending countries are poles apart? One team within Pioneers has opted to work scholarships for their international members into the support base of its North American members. Lack of financial resources among missionaries from newer sending nations is the greatest reason for their early return, according to “Too Valuable to Lose.” However, this team must take care that the fund recipients are given full voice, to avoid the paternalism that provision can imply.

Language Study What is the minimum proficiency level required of each teammate? How much time will members have to meet this requirement? Does it apply to all family members? What about locations where two or three languages are used regularly? Which language becomes the priority? Some teams let members delve into different languages as they move forward in common ministry. Others believe this confuses the issue, preferring that the team concentrate on a single language.

Relationships How do single team members conduct regular ministry business with married members, particularly those of the opposite gender? When extra care is taken to appear culturally appropriate, spouses and/or children are often present in such meetings and may be involved in ways that can complicate the issue at hand.

Even in the US where cultural standards differ, I have driven separately to a lunch meeting 10 minutes away because male teammates were uncomfortable driving alone with me. I respect the heart behind this decision. Even though I miss the networking and mentoring that often emerges from these informal times, I trust the Lord will honor each person’s obedience.

Personality If we broke down the inter-missionary differences by category, I wonder if personality would top the list. One leader candidly told a group of new missionary candidates that everything one of his teammates did irritated him—even how this person ate. He had no choice but to get on his knees over how he related to this teammate. Our humanness emphasizes the miracle—the pure proof of Christ’s presence—that others might “know us by our love.” Words are a thermometer of the heart.

In “Too Valuable to Lose,” Taylor notes “relational skills” second only to “spirituality” as a key factor in decreasing the number of missionary personnel who return too soon. If it’s true that we can control the whole body if we tame our tongues, we have an excellent place to improve our relationships.

As “good missionaries” the words that come out of our mouths as we disagree may not appear to devour. But what about those that remain in our minds? What happens with their delayed departure? Our hearts overflow when we least expect it! If by grace, we can extend grace, we’ll have more energy for making disciples of all nations. Then, as more experienced missionaries stay at the task longer, we may see exponential growth in our work.

I recently rescued a shoe from Ruthie, only to put my shoe back on the floor. (She has to learn sometime.) A few minutes later, I looked down expecting to scold her, but found her lying quietly—her nose flush to the leather, and her mouth shut. I soaked in the surprise for a moment and smiled.

I wonder: do we delight our Father when he looks down at our missionary teams?

Caryn Pederson directs communications for Pioneers in Orlando, Florida.